Stormbringer wrote: ↑Wed May 07, 2025 8:42 pm
ManBearSquid wrote: ↑Wed May 07, 2025 8:31 pm
Regarding food retail, I worked for Sainsbury's for years near the Royal Mile in Edinburgh - I have stories.
Well, what are they?
Wrathbone wrote: ↑Wed May 07, 2025 12:54 pm
people at work who message you "hi", then spend 5-10 minutes typing out what they actually want. If you're going to break me off from what I'm doing, just tell me what you want from the get-go, because I'm not going to be able to concentrate on anything until you do.
Ha! So true.
Too much for me to be arsed fully typing out, to be honest.
Here are some summaries:
1. The man who, after being confronted for trying to sneakily take a whole box of razors in his carrier bag, exclaimed that it was all a mistake, he thought the entire box was £5, put them back before asking if he could buy a lighter at the till. After purchasing the £1.50 lighter with a £2 coin, he happily tells me to keep the change, that this was all a misunderstanding, and then turned back when he reached the exit to round off his innocence with the announcement that he couldn't be a thief because he's a deep sea diver. He was a thief. Deep sea diver status not verified.
2. Steaming drunk, middle-aged woman pisses herself at the booze aisle, picks up a bottle of wine, gets served the wine at the till by the goon operating it. Some time later, I'm about to start working that aisle and I'm chatting to the supervisor that is on shift - we spot a rather wet looking floor. He checks the cameras: right enough, the woman starts pissing through her clothes, slight bend at the knees, before trailing pissy footsteps to the till area. Funnily enough, it didn't smell until it was disturbed by the mop.
3. The time that a scrawny wee thief decided to call Big Sal, the security guard, a particular N word and, you know that Avengers scene with The Hulk and Loki? Well, that. Sal was usually very calm and composed, not one of these ego-driven security types that typically escalate situations, but fuck me...That fella soon found out how to cause an escalation.
4. There was the time a guy came running in and hid a massive bag of pills behind baked goods. Cue the cops coming in and taking a look around, only for the baker to spot them while replenishing the bread.
5. One of the regular shop lifters, codename "Smiley", rocking up to the shop in the evening dressed as Elvis.
6. There was a lad with down's syndrome who - when asked to return the sweets that they were trying to steal - decided he'd rather throw fists at three of us. Now, if ever there is an awkward scenario, three employees not knowing what the fuck to do to handle a big lad with down's syndrome while people walk in and out making their own assumptions of the situation - it was an experience. None of us touched him, and he was calmly asked multiple times to return the goods or we'd call the police, until he threw himself at the supervisor, a big burly lad, and they wrestled to the ground. The situation worsened after the supervisor let him up and the lad's trousers started to slowly slip to his ankles. He pulled them up, waited for the police, then asked if he could go home when they turned up. They arrested him after he tried to get violent with them too.
7. The guy who, during peak covid measures, showed up at 10am to get his cigs and crate of lager, and was near tearing-up as he told me that he knew the true cause of the whole pandemic. It wasn't the Chinese (not the word he used) or the bats, it was "them" up there - he pointed upwards. The wee green bastards, the Martians. He'd apparently written a book about it so that I would be able to read all about it soon. He was definitely disturbed.
There are more, but those are my current standouts, or at the very least they are easy to succinctly recount.
Alongside those stories, there are countless ones of abuse, threats of violence, and general arsehole-ery.
Unfortunately, none of this is made up for dramatic effect.
